Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
