is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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