dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
