thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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