but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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