I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
