I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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