i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
i think my cat just said my name.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
