I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
