your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
