I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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