We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
