So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
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she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
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Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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