walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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