wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
