I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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