is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
