I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
