is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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