My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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