We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
