oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
