He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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