maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
