morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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