why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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