I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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