I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
