imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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