He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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