I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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