i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
