Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
operation harelip BJ is a go
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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