he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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