i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Randomize