Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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