I accidentally burped into my bong.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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