my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
