At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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