do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
