IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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