And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
ok first of all what the fuck
I see more hoeing in ur future
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
