did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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