I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
