I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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