Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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