I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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