dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
