Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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