It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm always down for nudity.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
