The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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