at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
