I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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