I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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