Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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