you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
