I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
