his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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